Rejection Translation

What a company really means when they turn you down for a job

For the last two years, I have been out of work.

In May of 2023, I got laid off from my position as managing editor at an online business-and-stock-market-news publication. It was part of a cost-cutting move—In addition to myself, my boss, our vice president of news, also “got the gate”, as he calls it. I know how much I made, and while I don’t know how much my boss made, I have to believe it was a fair amount more than my salary, which was pumped up due to my living in the San Francisco Bay Area.

If you’ve ever been laid off, you know how humbling the experience can be. You question your self-worth. You wonder how much longer you can get by financially. You hear those ridiculously trite expressions like “When one door closes another door opens!”…and you just want to punch the people who really believe in treacle like that right in the face.

And you keep applying for something new. You do this even though it’s largely a for-what-it’s-worth effort. I can’t tell you many jobs I have inquired about over the last two years that I am beyond qualified for, and which I could do in my sleep. I’m certain the number is in the triple digits. I’ve never claimed to be the “best” business news journalist in the world, but I know I have gotten the shaft for…Reasons?

Of course, most places that turn you down for a job wil never say why they don’t want you on their employee rolls. They can’t open themselves up to any kind of possible legal action for saying that you are too old for them. Or too straight. Or too…Whatever the case may be.

But … Get enough rejection e-mails and you learn to read between the lines and decipher what the those rejecting you really mean. And this is what I did with a recent e-mail that was pretty much representative of all the others that have said, “No dice” to me…

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Hi Rex,

(Pleasant enough. At least their AI e-mail server is programmed to include a person’s name, and not just a “Hello” to no one in particular.)

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the XXXX Web Editor/Writer role.

(“Thank you” is never a good start. It really means “Get ready for for us to say “no” to you.)

We’re fortunate to have received a lot of interest in this role, resulting in a very competitive selection process…

(“We received applications from many outstanding candidates…”)

…and unfortunately, at this time we have decided not to move forward with your application.

(“…and you were not one of them. We have thrown your application into our digital trash can. Good luck, Chump.”)

While it didn’t work out this time, we hope you will continue to explore other opportunities with us by visiting our Career Center.

(“We don’t want you because we just gave the job to someone in-house, but we had to post this job publicly to look like we were having an open application process. If you want to go through this again, visit our Career Center, where you will find many other jobs that we will never hire you for.”)

Thank you once again for your interest in XXX, and we wish you all the best in your search for a suitable position.

(“Good luck, chump.”)

* Please note: This email is sent from an unattended mailbox, please do not reply to this email.

(“No one is really here. Don’t bother trying to contact us. We are going to pretend we never met.”)

Thank You,

XXX Talent Acquisition Team

(“You’re still reading this? Didn’t you see we said, “Good luck, chump” twice already?”)

By the way…If anyone reading this can use an expericed, semi-decent business, finance and tech journalist, feel free to contact me and I’ll let you know why you should hire me. And if you do, I’ll even let you call me “Chump”.