I Can't Be Pragmatic About This

My Mom Won't Be Around Much Longer...And I'm Not Ready

I went shopping a few days ago. It’s one of the most-regular things anyone can do. And, like any regular person, I got a mix of regular things. Chicken thighs. St. Louis style ribs. Some pre-made salads. A couple of bags of chips. Some beers that I can only find here in Washington. Four packages of disposable wipes.

The only one of those things that I really put any thought into was the one that, until recently, I doubt I would have put any thought into at all: the disposable wipes. I stood there in the store aisle deciding between the two-package option, with a total of 84 wipes, and the four-pack, with 168. I eventually decided on the four-pack because I hoped that in choosing the larger amount of wipes, it would somehow mean my mom would be with us a little bit longer.

My mom has been fighting ovarian cancer for almost two years, and the fight is coming to a conclusion and it is not going to be the victory that we want. Part of that might be that she was already at Stage 3 of the malady when she was diagnosed in May 2023. Part of it could just be due to her age. She is 84 now, and even before her cancer diagnosis, she would say she knew she had more days behind her than ahead of her. My mom has been pragmatic about many things in her life, and it was no surprise that she was pragmatic regarding her remaining time on this rock we call home.

But, there is no room for pragmatism when you are looking at your mother in a hospital bed. Or putting oxygen tubes into her nose. Or helping her shuffle down the hallway at 3:30 in the morning so that she can go to the bathroom. Or when you are putting Carmex on her lips that have lost all their elasticity. Or when you are “feeding” her ice chips because the chill from those will give her just some momentary relief from the pressure of the fluid building up inside her that is only making her final days more painful than they should be.

And disposable wipes might be one of the most-pragmatic purchases anyone can make. You get them for a specific purpose. There is nothing fancy, nor any deep meaning behind buying the things. Except when there is.

I picked up the 84-pack, but decided that wasn’t enough. Not because I thought mom would quickly go through 84 disposable wipes and would we need to buy more. I went with the 168-pack because, to me, just having as many of those wipes as possible meant committing to a belief that mom will be around for a longer time. If we continue to think about her in the future, then the future will include her.

I guess this is how things go as our parents reach the end. There are talks with hospice about things like wheelchairs, hospital beds and oxygen canisters. You try to be pragmatic about the situation because you know how it is going to end. Father Time remains undefeated.

But, then you find yourself buying 168 disposable wipes because you think doing so will stretch the time you have with your mother just a little bit longer. There’s no room for being pragmatic. And you don’t want to be, either.